The label “Type A” is used fairly often, but everyone seems to have a different definition of what a Type A personality looks like.  Growing up, I identified as more “Type A” because I was a crazy list maker, and would get stressed out if I didn’t accomplish my goals.  I’ve heard other people refer to themselves as Type A because they are workaholics, ruminate over certain things, love competition and hate wasting time.  So really, “Type A,” is simply a blend of personality traits and characteristics.

Type A people love the competitive edge, live their lives in a consistent state of urgency and intensity, and tend to get their self-worth from what they achieve. They may be sensitive, anxious, perfectionistic, have a hard time letting go of control, etc.  So what does this mean for those of you in relationship with a Type A personality?  No doubt, sometimes it might be hard to approach someone with a Type A personality. Believe me, Type A tendencies run in my family, so I KNOW.  My family members all have enormous hearts and mean well, but it can be difficult to approach Type A’s because they can be very competitive, critical or intimidating. So today’s post is dedicated to those of you in marriage or who have a Type A significant other!

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BEST TIPS FOR PEOPLE MARRIED TO A TYPE A PERSONALITY

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1.    Establish clear lines of communication

Having clear lines of communication will help you and your spouse to know what each other’s needs and boundaries are within the relationship. Sometimes the need to dominate or control that can come with a Type A personality really just stems from a place of not feeling worthy enough or from growing up in a household that was complete chaos.  If the Type A spouse knows what to expect and when, this helps lessen the need to control their environment.

2.    Remind your spouse that you are not in competition with one another

If you are both professionals in high pressure jobs, pay this tip double attention!  Having been an attorney and married to an attorney, I know all too well how arguments become win-lose or how progress in professions can be competitive for Type A personalities.  Remind your spouse that you are each other’s biggest cheerleaders and supporters. Being there to inspire and help one another is much more fulfilling than the competitive alternative.

3.    To the best of your ability, try not to take things personally

I know, I know…this one is easier said than done.  And this one applies to everyone, not just those in relationship with a Type A.  Always remind yourself that someone else’s behavior reflects them, not you.  If you end up on the receiving end of a Type A’s irritability or critical nature, try and not take it personally.  The more you can practice this with #1 above, the safer this marriage or relationship will feel for you.

4.    Give your spouse time and space to decompress at the end of their day

Type A’s are notorious for busting their butts all day long at their job.  They may love what they do, but it can still be exhausting to go at the intensity that Type A’s do for the duration that they do.  What your loved one might need at the beginning or end of the day is space to be alone and decompress.  Again, not to be taken personally, their need to decompress or destress is essential to their long term health.  If you want them around for the long haul, allow them to spend some time by themselves.

5.    Suggest that they seek support from others besides just you

Let’s face it, sometimes we dump all of our negative feelings on our spouses because they are the ones around and there for us most frequently.  In speaking with some of my Type A colleagues, one suggestion that came their significant others was the need for the Type A partner to find a friend, therapist, or family member to run ruminating thoughts past or to help them de-stress.   Reassuring them that spending quality time with someone other than you to unlock and unload will help both sides of your equation.  

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Type A’s can make excellent partners. They aren't afraid of putting in the work, even into their relationships. Knowing some of these needs your Type A partner may have in yours can help things go even smoother!